life plan? i’m not sure

19 01 2009

not a day goes by where i don’t think about my future.every single fucking day, it’s a recurring thought i can’t get rid off. i’m 26 (27 this may) yet i’m nowhere near the career ladder. my job as an ESL instructor is not gratifying at all. probably because i equate success with monetary values. at this point in my life, i define success to be the stage where you get to go anywhere, buy anything, do what your passionate about without a single worry for tomorrow’s survival. therefore, i equate success with money. money is indeed eveything.i don’t want to justify my cravings for money but having it takes a lot of burden off my shoulder. and it pisses the hell out of me because i don’t have a fucking clue how to get it.

life plans…i’m not sure if i have those. i know what i desire in life but i don’t have the faintest idea how to get it. i don’t know what career i’m supposed to take. my course is totally different from my current career. i want to change gears but i don’t know where to go. living is hard. there are times, i just want to surrender and just let the waves of life take me wherever it pleases. but another part of me tells me to have some sense of direction. how should we go through life? by directions or just go with the flow? how can we achieve success? is it through a detailed life plan or through spontaneity? my life is totally jumbled now. well, just my career but it affects my daily life.